My Bachelorette Pad

So this is my dorm room :

It's a pretty sweet set up. It's the first school year since I've been in college that I have my own room. It's both really nice and little a lonely. But mostly I'm grateful to be able to go to bed and get up whenever I want and not feel bad about disturbing anybody. I also happen to love my room a whole lot. You can ask my mom, I was way stressed out when I moved in because I my room wasn't turning out to be how I wanted my space to look. But my mom really came through for me and helped me feel more situated in my room and she helped my vision come alive. I love my mom. Anyways, you'll also notice the purple orchid in the picture. No, it's not fake. I am the proud owner of a new baby orchid. This is the first flower that I've ever tried to grow on my own and I just love it! Orchids are kind of high maintenance getting them set up, but after that they're super easy, and they look beautiful! My orchid might be my favorite part of my room. That and my paintings, and my desk hutch. It's a pretty sweet place to live, you should come visit sometime :)

You'll also notice my sweet apartment-mate, Molly. That's our sink that we share and our bathroom is to her right. Paige and Cole live on the other side of the apartment, which his pretty much a mirror image of our side (except a lot warmer). And in between the two sides we have an entryway, a kitchen, and a living room. Pretty sweet huh? I bet you really want to come visit now.

Illinois: Round 3

So last weekend I went to Illinois to see my wonderful friends JR and Aly. These two have really been some good friends in my life since I was first going into high school. Aly helped me figure out a lot of things about life just by being a great example, loving me well, and giving me tons of great advice along the way. They moved to Illinois about four years ago and I have missed them terribly, but I usually try and go to see them once a year or so. It's been so exciting to see their family grow from one kid, to three kids, and then this past March to four kids (crazy!) I've gotten to see them through hard times and through good times, but through everything they are such a strong light on a hill for the Kingdom, and I love that (so much).

Anyways, so I got to spend all of last weekend hanging out with them and getting to know the kids better and to hear what's been going on with life. It was amazing...I think their kids are my favorite in the whole world of kids. Here they are:

This is Foster. Or Frostie, or frost man, or foz, or bug. Either way, I love this kid. It's funny, if you go back to July 2008 on this blog you can see my first visit to Illinois, back when it was just Foster, and he looks so young. This past weekend I could actually carry on a conversation with him, it was so strange. We had a couple of epic pillow fights and some interesting conversations. He was so amazed when I told him that I flew here in an airplane. He responded "To our yard?" I laughed so hard and explained what an airport was to him and he was like "Really?" His amazement was adorable.

This is Paisley (or peanut), she is the girl of the girl-boy twins and number two in the line up. She is way prepared for the terrible twos that are coming up in a couple months, but I think she is still so precious. I was watching the twins and Foster on Saturday morning and I needed to take a shower, so I told Foster I was leaving the door open in case they needed to get me for some reason. Well, halfway into my shower, this little face peeks around the shower curtain smiling up at me and it was little Peanut. And I didn't know what to do, so I was just like "Hi Paisley", and she stuck her little arm in the shower and offered me a teddy gram (I had given them teddy grams for snack), and I wasn't sure how to respond (because I was in the shower) so I took the teddy gram from her and said "Thanks Paisley" and she beamed at me and offered another one of her teddy grams so I took that one too. I wasn't sure what to do with them, so I ate them. In the shower. It was tasty.

This is Charlie Jude, or judderbug, or dudder, or if you're Paisley, then JuJu. He is number three and the boy of the boy-girl twins. It's so funny, I always seem to come around during potty training season. Frostie was being potty trained two visits ago and the twins were being potty trained this time around. I suppose I'll have to make a another visit when Betsy is getting potty trained... Charlie is so great. I loved playing the blow dryer game that I used to play with Foster with him. You know, the whole zap him with the blow dryer, he screams and runs away, then he cautiously sneaks back up to me and waits for me to zap him again, repeat until tired or hair is dry. It's a pretty great game for two year olds. I can't wait to play with Betsy. Anyways, as you can see, Charlie loves driving already, and he frequently took me for a spin around the block, you know, no big deal.

And the newest addition to the Dakin Clan....

Betsy Jean Harper

Oh, the many faces of Betsy, aka blues, aka blue bells, aka bitsy (if you're me). We are birthday twins (sort of) We were born less than 12 hours (and twenty years) apart. So naturally you can imagine how amazing she is. Of all the kids, Betsy is most definitely the most laid back and she's the youngest. She smiles like 85% of her life and causes her family to dream big dreams. I grew so attached to this one over the weekend and I wish I could hold her still.

We realized that I usually come visit after every round of kids, so somebody jokingly asked me when my next visit was...I don't think Aly and JR are looking to have more kids any time soon but I am WAY looking forward to get to know these guys as they grow up and turn into people. It's so exciting! It was so fun also to hang with Aly and JR and just to hear how God is blessing their lives and rocking their worlds. JR is back in school trying to get to med school. I think that that is so awesome! We got to talk about calculus and chemistry...you know, things up my alley. And I always enjoy getting to hear whatever Aly has to share with me because she is such a good older sister who cares about me and my life, and always has some awesome wisdom about life and relationships to offer me. It was such a refreshing visit and I really wish that I could have stayed for longer.

I'm brining blogger back (what)!

So, for those of you who don't know, I used to blog fairly often in high school and in the first part of college. However, life just got busy. Georgia Tech has this way making sure you always have more than enough to do so that you're never bored with life, so I stopped writing for the most part. But the other day I realized how I should use my blog now more than ever. There are a lot of you guys out there that I, unfortunately, don't get to see very often, and this space would be a great way to keep you up to date with my life through pictures, videos, stories, things that I'm learning, etc. So to motivate myself I decided to reinvent my blog (as you probably notice that it doesn't look the same anymore) and to give it a new name. I really like the idea of beauty from ashes, It comes from Isaiah 61:3 where the Lord declares he will crown his people with beauty instead of ashes. And it also correlates the idea of the phoenix, and the imagery of dieing and then being reborn from ash.

Anyways. All of that to say...I'm back. And feel free to read through older posts if you're new to my blog, because I've posted some neat stuff!

So to start out my return I would like to share a funny story that happened last night, that I look back and laugh about now, but definitely was NOT laughing about it last night.

So I have this really great boyfriend, Joshua, who turned 23 this past Wednesday:

So at our weekly meeting for Navigators I decided that at the end it would be a good idea to get Josh a cake and have everyone sing happy birthday to him and celebrate him. Well towards the end of the night I suddenly realize that I don't have any forks or plates or anything for people to eat this cake with, I only have the cake, a cake cutter, candles, and matches. So my quick-thinking friend, Haley, says she thinks that the Taco Bell in our student center is open. So I quickly run down to Taco Bell and ask them for about 25 of their sporks. After some deliberation they finally agree to part with their beloved sporks for my birthday celebration. I also grabbed a bunch of napkins and ran back upstairs where we were singing our closing songs. I was thinking to myself "whew, that was a close one, crisis averted!" Now, I had previously asked Adam how many songs we were going to sing so I could leave during the last one to get the cake for Josh. Adam told me we were going to sing three songs, however, after the second song he started to pray like he was closing us out for the night. So me and my cake buddy, Haley, are like 'oh shoot!' So we sprint to where we hid the cake and are ferociously trying to light all 23 candles quickly and run back to the room. Well, I was holding the cake and we were going so fast and we were so frazzled, that I did not think at all about tieing my hair back and my hair caught on fire. But of course I am holding the cake and cannot get the fire out, so I start panicking and Haley desperately tries to pat the fire out of my hair and comb some of the ashes out. I don't know if any of you have smelled burned hair, but man, it smells awful! Anyways, we don't have time to worry about it because we're late, remember? So we run to the room only to discover they are in fact singing the third song and we were just deceived. So all we can do is wait in the hallway for them to stop singing, meanwhile the candles are burning and getting smaller and smaller and melted wax is going all over the cake. So by the time we finally got inside there were little pools of wax with very small flames on top. So we all sang and I brought the cake to Josh and him and the guy standing next to him (Drew Martin) both cover their mouths when they see the cake and go "Ew, gross!" because there was melted wax on the cake. At this point I start crying because I am so defeated and Josh FINALLY blows out those stupid candles and makes his wish and we all eat a very delicious chocolate cake after scraping off the wax and some of the icing.

Moral of this story, I am a loving girlfriend and Josh is an ungrateful boyfriend. Haha, just kidding. Later on he told me he loved it. I really think that dysfunctional cakes have the most love and thought put into them. I hope Kate Fields is reading this because I think this cake has beaten out your 18th birthday cake for the most dysfunctional cake I've ever given.

Anyways, I hope you are laughing at me as much as I am now :)
Happy Birthday Josh!

Exodus 14:14

Fear is like a web,
one slip and you're stuck
and the harder you fight
the more you are consumed
until you are immobilized
completely
Stuck

All you can do is sit helpless and
try your best to wiggle your way out
completely knowing that you are defeated
and that there is nothing you can do about it.

Doubt is like a pair of sunglasses,
you choose to put them on
they dim to glory of God
and cause the world to look grim
they eclipse hope

Suddenly you've forgotten what the light
looks like
you forget that it's there
you forget that it's good

fear and doubt together is Hell
completely bound and without hope




I have to get it in my head
that the Lord will fight for me,
I need only be still (Exodus 14:14)

I can't see that God is cutting the cords
of the web for me because I am trying
so hard to get unstuck
that I wiggle back further into the web

I fool myself into thinking that I have
to get out by own power because I was the
one who slipped. But that's not how grace works.

And what's worse, I don't even notice
that God is working for my good
because I'm so frustrated at my own human failure
I don't even see that I have somebody
fighting for me, and I sink even deeper into despair


I cannot see the dawn in the darkness
because my sunglasses have blinded me
because they've become so tinted

I forgot it was me who put them
there in the first place.



Lord,
Help me to realize my need for you
to understand how inadequate I am
but to not be discouraged
but run into you arms all the more

give me the strength to throw off the sunglasses
to choose trust instead of doubt
to remember your faithfulness in the past

Fill me my savior my King
I love you so much
you are everything


"He brought me out into a spacious place
he rescued me because he delighted in me" :)
2 Samuel 22:20

Waves

whew! what a day!

for those of you that don't know...I'm in Cancun, Mexico for my grandparents' 50th anniversary celebration. (50 years! Wow!)

so today my Dad and I went scuba diving...finally! It's been 2 years since my last dive and I have missed the bottom of the ocean terribly. So I was so happy to be going out. It was also my first two tank dive as well.

A two tank dive is where you have two tanks of air to use. You go down at one dive site and use one tank of air, then come back up and boat over to another dive site and go back down using the other tank of air with a short break in between. So essentially it is two separate dives.


So I'm getting super excited (and a little nervous as always) as we're are heading out to sea. It is SO beautiful out there! The sun was shining and it was a warm 85 degrees outside. The water was bright blue (like I imagine it would be on Malacandra). It was perfect.


But then...as we pass the reef (which blocks most of the big waves from the mainland) the ocean starts to get crazy! the waves get so big and we are all going up and down, side to side. It was very much like an unpredictable roller coaster.

At first, it was kind of fun. I stood near to the bow and held tight as my stomach did flip flops. I was enjoying myself.

But then it started. I felt SO sick. And as a person who has grown up on boats, i have never gotten sea sick or motion sick ever. So today was a whole new experience for me. I walked back to the back of the boat taking in deep breaths trying to get my stomach to STOP flip floping and to settle down. I kept looking into the waves and begging them to stop being so large and tossing me about.

I took a quick survey of the other divers aboard the boat (in all there were about 25 other divers and 7 or 8 instructors out there) and I could tell that I wasn't the only one affected. People had started puking over the side of the boat and others had sprawled themselves out lying down in random areas. It was terrible, absolutely terrible. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to dive.

when the boat was stopped, when we weren't moving, the waves we still big, but they weren't as bad as when we were moving and heading into them. I was thinking that I wish we could have not moved at all. It still wouldn't have been good but it might been a little less painful. But we pressed on anyways...

One of the men who worked for the marina taking pictures and video and selling them afterward, Rafael (who is one of the nicest, goofiest people you'll ever meet), looked at me and saw that was not okay. I was miserably looking out into the waves and drawing deep breaths of air trying to keep my breakfast down. He asked me if I was okay and I said that I felt sick in my stomach and that I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to dive. He told me that I'd be okay and that everyone always feels much better once they're in the water (this greatly relieved me). But he also told me that if I kept my eyes on a stationary object that it would make me feel better...Something about the fluid in my brain being swished around so much and making me sick. His logic didn't make sense to me because it wasn't my head that hurt but my stomach, but I decided to try it anyways because I felt so miserable.

SO
Depending on which way the boat was turned I kept my eyes on a large hotel on the horizon or a large fluffy cloud in the sky, or something that didn't move.

and you know what, I felt so much better. The sickness went away completely. I felt fine. It was incredible. Rafael was right.
Now keep in mind that the waves weren't getting any SMALLER. the waves were still just as BIG as they were before. I just felt better because I was looking at something stationary.

At first, every now and then, my gaze would wander back to the waves but the sickness would return and I would immediately have to snap my gaze back to the clouds or to the buildings on the horizon for it to subside again.

I also found that I had to be ACTIVELY gazing at the object. I couldn't just let my mind wander as I stared or the sickness would come back. So I found my self counting windows on the buildings or finding shapes within the clouds, or anything I could to keep my gaze active.


The toughest part for me about this whole strategy though, was that I could not look at people. I wanted to check on my fellow passengers to see if I could help them or to study the people as I normally do, but I couldn't without the sickness returning and so I stayed focus on the object I was looking at.

I tried to tell the passengers nearest to me what Rafael had told me about looking at a stationary object. Some listened, others were too miserable too even try. The ones who listened (like my Dad) felt a lot better and had a better time. The ones who didn't just stayed miserably ill on the floor or seat or wherever they were hunched over.

the worst was this little boy of about 12 or 13 that was diving with us. After our first dive (and it did feel TONS better to be in the water) he really started to feel bad back on the boat. He was with his Dad and he started crying and wailing out in pain every now and then (yes, it was that bad...if I were 12 I would probably have wailed too). This little boy was one of the people who didn't listen to what Rafael had told me and so all I could do was sit there with my eyes fixed on one of the hotels and listen to this little boy cry and wail in agony. It was terrible. Everything within me wanted to give him a hug and MAKE him look at something stationary.

He ended up going home after the first dive.

After a while I got used to keeping my eyes on the objects. And even when we got into calmer water again inside the reef, I still looked at the objects out of habit and practice.


It was a good day to dive :)
but it got me thinking...



It's a lot like life.
Where the ocean is the world and all it's problems are the waves.
If you look at the waves that are huge and tossing you about, you start to feel really really sick. Because in our hearts, none of us live permanently within the reef. We're all out in the big water.


And it isn't until we learn to keep our gaze focused on a stationary object that is outside of the world, an object that isn't moving, that we fight the sickness and the tension is released and we feel the beautiful peace that comes from that surrender.

for some people (especially Christians). Fighting the waves is so tough. They've found that they would rather stay still in the water so that although you are far from feeling good, the pain is less. (this is an idea that is explored in the silence of Adam). If you don't move into the waves then the sickness (while still present) is more manageable. But God calls us to move into the waves of life...but He does not expect this of us without giving us a stationary object to look at to relieve the sickness.

well, in our situation the ONLY object that is immovable and the only thing outside of our world that we can look to is Jesus.

Notice also how I had to ACTIVELY look at the clouds and I couldn't just set my eyes there but not my mind. And I did anything to keep my gaze active.

Well that is the a picture of the fellowship that we share with Christ. That's when we seek Him in the Word, journal, pray, or spend time soaking in his presence. That's how we keep our gaze active as we are looking to Him.

And He doesn't promise us that the waves will get smaller or more manageable, they will still be the same size. But because our focus is on Him and not the waves, we will not feel the sickening, dizzying effects of them. That is our trust (or faith) in Him.

It's hard sometimes to look to Jesus instead of other people, but people cannot give you the satisfying intimacy of grace that only God can give. It is unfair to expect that from other people and heartbreaking to God when we want to look towards other people (to look towards politicians, church leaders, boyfriends/ girlfriends, close friends, family members) instead of to Jesus. We can share our new found knowledge of Christ and his power, but we cannot sacrifice our own gaze towards Christ to look to other people...even with the most noble intentions. Sometimes all we can do is listen to them wail in agony because of their stubborn ways...


But Jesus is faithful, He takes care of those who follow Him and those who look towards Him in fellowship and surrender. I was thinking about all this on the boat today and about how often I look towards the waves instead of to our Stationary Object. For me, my sickness is fear. When I look at the waves in my life (what I'm going to do after college, how should I love so-and- so better, etc) I am consumed with a dizzying fear that makes it hard for me to focus on much else. It's hard for me to remember that Jesus offers me Peace if I would but actively gaze towards Him.


So I come, yes I come...

to tell you I love you,
to tell you I nee you,
to tell you there' no better place for me than in your arms .

to tell you I'm sorry
for running in circles
for placing my gaze upon the waves and not your face

'Cause you're the only one who gives me peace
yes you're the only one who gives me peace

I love your peace Jesus :)

Ashton

I was looking through some of my old files today and I found this.
For some reason my sister, Ashton, needed me to write something about my relationship with her for school or something and when I found it today in class I almost started crying. So I thought I would share it with you because I love my sister dearly.

And anyone who knows my story can see how truly awesome God's healing abilities are...

Ashton

My sister Ashton is one of the dearest, gentlest people that I know. Being 3 ½ years younger than me, we have not always gotten along very well, but today I am proud to call her not only my sister, but my friend also.

Even from our earliest childhood together we have been very different from one another. I liked to explore creeks and fight the boys while she preferred to play with her dolls and dress up like a beautiful princess. Let’s just say that the room we shared together was an interesting mix of our personalities. But as strange as she was to me, I have always loved Ashton very dearly because she is my little sister.

Today, we are still very different from one another with our interests and personalities, but our differences only make our friendship stronger. Me, with overpowering enthusiasm and an uncontrollable mouth, and her, with a shy attitude and a gentle disposition, we have a perfect balance in between us. I hope that I have succeeded in being a proper example for my sister amidst all of my failures to her as a individual, whenever I have lost my temper or allowed my pride to say things that I don’t mean. I hope that she has been able to learn something positive from my influence and example in her life.

I look forward to seeing the young woman my sister will grow, and is already growing into right now. I look forward to seeing the man she will marry, the career she will pursue, and the children she will mother. I am very excited for her life because I know all of the potential she has to be a very great and influential woman. I am very proud of her and I love her very, very much.


I love you Ashton :)

Beauty from Ashes

I, a fair maiden
Strong, independent
Uncaring, unfeeling
Yet I was broken.

I lived and studied
I laughed and played
Yet I was dry, I was empty
I was fake

I was once invited to a ball
They said we were celebrating the King
“What king?” said I, “Our country has none.”
But nobody answered me.

I went anyways

When the doors opened for me at the castle
I was astonished!
What splendor! What beauty!
Everyone was so finely dressed
Adorned in gold and twinkling jewels.

I felt ashamed of the worn, plain dress that I wore.
But my heart was proud,
So I walked forward like a haughty queen.
Pretending to be something that I wasn’t.

All of the people were dancing and laughing
Their faces were aglow with joy and innocence.
The ladies all spun and twirled
While the gentlemen strongly took their hands to lead.

I forgot worrying about my dress as I openly examined them
They were so happy, so beautiful, how? Why?
I had seen this group of people around before.
They weren’t the strongest, or the wisest,
or the richest, or even the most successful.

They were just plain, ordinary people.

A man interrupted my thoughts as he humbly asked me to dance
I was surprised that he would ask seeing how ugly I was dressed.
But I took his hand anyways and I walked onto the floor with him.

How funny this man danced!
I had never seen anything like it before.
I found I had no idea what to do,
I imagine we looked pretty silly trying to dance.
But he smiled sympathetically towards me and gently
Showed me where to put my hands and feet.
But it was no use.

Embarrassed and still proud
I asked him instead to get me a drink.
As he disappeared I walked quickly to the restroom.
A group of ladies was there talking to one another.

When I walked in they greeted me warmly,
I was so shocked! The also didn’t seem to care
About my dress.
“Welcome sister!” they called to me.
Suspiciously I approached them.
I was accustomed to flattery, but I knew there was always a price for it.
“Tell me,” I said, “ who is this King we celebrate?”
Their eyes lit up even brighter.
“He is the Lion. He is the lamb. He is the Beginning and He is the End.
He is a warrior but gentle and true.” They almost sang to me.

“Where is he?” I asked, “I would like to see this man.”
“Why sister,” they said as we reentered the ballroom,
“He is one His throne.”
And then one of the women gestured toward the far end of the ballroom.

I looked were she gestured.
How had I not seen this throne before?
Everything in the room led toward it.
All of the people would consistently glance up and beam in that direction.
How had I missed this?

The throne was large and made of solid gold.
Decorated with fancy inscriptions and pictures of battles.
It shone like a beacon under the lamps.

On this magnificent throne sat a man,
And a very simple man at that.
His gazed was filled with fierce love for his people
As the danced before Him.
And He held the attitude of strong authority.

Despite his plainness there was something
About him that made him very beautiful to me.
He was robed and crowned in splendor.

This was the beloved King that I had never heard of.

As I gazed on this powerful King my shame grew.
I realized how truly ugly I was.
My pride swelled and I became very defensive
About my shortcomings.
I began to dislike the king a little.

He made me feel dirty and broken.
But I was strong; I was independent
I was fine.

I turned to leave this place.
To leave these silly people who danced differently.
To leave this King who penetrated my defenses.
I turned to flee because I was scared.

But, as I turned, the King caught my eye.
I froze.

Slowly, He rose from His throne and a hush fell over the ballroom
Everyone slowed.
I couldn’t move at all. All I could do
Was stare at this majestic King.

He began to walk toward me
And all the people parted to let Him through.
My heart started beating wildly, violently
I felt it would jump out of my chest at any moment.

When he was almost to me I crumbled.
I fell to my knees and touched my forehead to the floor

Who was I to receive such attention?
I was dirty, and ugly and lost, why me?
He should be approaching the most beautiful of ladies
Or the strongest of gentlemen.

He should throw a whore like me out.

When he reached me He gently whispered
“Daughter, rise and let me see you.”

‘No!’ I thought
‘He must never see me. I am not fit to be seen.’
I didn’t want to face His repulsion.

I felt His hand gently pressing my head
And my resistance fell away.
I rose and stood before the King.
It took a while, but I finally got the courage to look upon His face.

Oh! What I saw there!
His eyes were lit with adoration.
This King clearly thought that I was beautiful

He held His hand out for mine.
I withdrew slightly.

“I-I don’t know how to dance in your fashion, my Lord.”
I dropped my head in shame as I stammered.

“I will teach you.” His voice was gentle and sounded like music, “It won’t be easy, and you will fail many times, but I will be with you always and I will protect you.”

I knew that was my heart’s greatest desire.
I stared at His hand.
Could I trust this man?
Would He grow tired of me?

I had never trusted my well being to anyone else
I had always taken care of myself.
Why should I trust this King?

But for some reason, I decided that I could.

Trembling, I reached out and took His hand.
His gaze held so much love for me
I felt I should be swallowed by it.

With His other hand he removed his royal robe and draped it over me
“Welcome home, Beloved.”

He led me to the floor and held me close to Him.
The music played and we began to dance.

At first, I tried to dance the way I learned from home
But the King shook His head and corrected me gently,
“Let me lead, Beloved.” He whispered.

I relented and melted into His strength and
I followed His movements until
we moved as one across the dance floor.

Again, I wondered why the King chose
To invite me into His kingdom.
I was so unworthy and so unclean.
How would I fit into His kingdom?

Almost as if He read my thoughts, the King stopped dancing
And lead me toward one of the mirrors in the hall.

I gasped

My dirty, ugly dress had been replaced by a flowing blue gown.
Flowers were braided into my hair and I was decorated with jewels like a Christmas tree.

I was so clean…
I was so beautiful…
I was so transformed…

I couldn’t breathe for a full minute

I turned to look at my King
His gaze full of adoration and love

I fell into his arms and wept overwhelmed by all He had given me.
He held me close and let His love wash over me.
I was home, I was safe.

He leaned back and looked more serious as He said,
“This isn’t the end, this is only the beginning.
The road will be hard and uncomfortable.
You will be hurt and tried and you will want to give up.”

I thought silently for a moment, weighing my options.
Finally I looked at my King, who I love dearly, and said:

“I will go where you go,
I will say what you say,
I will see what you see.
I want to be with you always.”


He smiled at me and leaned closer to whisper in my ear…

“So be it.”



*The above is metaphorical representation of my love story with Christ
(This post has the blogworthy seal of approval from Joshua)