Master to Husband

SO last weekend my sister, my mother, and I went to South Carolina because last Friday my great aunt Joyce passed away and we were going with my aunt Julie, cousin Jessica, and my grandparents to attend her funeral.

Joyce was a wonderful person. I often talked to her during the summer when I was sending out support letters, she would always call to find out more information so she could be praying for me. She was always supportive of everything I did for the Kingdom even though I was her sister's grandchild and not her own. When my mom told me that she was very sick and would probably pass away in a week or two I was very sad for Wofford (her husband). They had been married for 61 years! 61 years!....61 years! That is so awesome. I had the pleasure of Wofford telling me the story of how the two of them met, it wasn't a terribly romantic situation but I could see God's hand in all of it, which made it very beautiful. It is sort of scary to think that they got married when they were 17 (a year younger than me), but still. I was also sad for Mimi (my grandmother, Joyce's sister). It must be strange to lose a sibling, especially if you're relatively close in age.

But mostly I was happy. I didn't feel like crying at her funeral. I am terribly joyful that she is, right now, being married to God. It makes me laugh when I think about how she has shed her worn out, cancer-filled body...and has been given a new one to last forever. I can see her dancing or running or laughing. Perfect. Beautiful. Complete. I cannot even bring myself to be sad.

One neat thing that she requested to have at her funeral was an evangelical outreach. SO the pastor got up and started telling us all about Christ's love, and then asked if anyone would like to receive Christ (we had our heads bowed so I don't know if anyone did). But I thought that it was so neat that Joyce chose to continue ministering to others even at her own funeral. But I guess that's just who Joyce was. I was reminded that day about how I have no desire to ever have a funeral, but in stead a celebration of life. It'd be okay if people miss me, but I don't want them to be sad that I'm finally with my Savior.

I will miss Joyce's influence in my life very much, but I am dancing with Joy that she is with the Love of her life, her Savior, her Maker, and now her Husband.

An Epic Adventure

Transitional times in my life are really interesting... I used to hate them a lot. Consistency is something that I have always valued a lot and has made me feel safe. Now, however, I get kind of excited about change. It's always hard to leave behind that which is secure and comfortable, but I get really excited about where God will take me in the next couple of years.

I've been having this feeling a lot lately, where I feel like I'm about to start a new adventure. And it's more than just college I think. Something is stirring inside of me, like the spiritual season in my soul is changing also. Where will Jesus lead me this time?


...

Pslam 139: 23-24

This is the cry of my heart...


Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.



Lord,
I am messy
and gross
and broken...

But I would ask that you would search me
Shine your beautiful light into every crevice of my soul
Expose my every vice, my every sin, anything that would separate us.

It is painful
and uncomfortable
and embarrassing

but as is the process of being refined

Give me a spirit that is willing
and arms that are strong
That I might stand boldly in your light
and allow you to wash me
cleaning every part.

I want to be a blameless and pure child
Not for my glory
but for yours

Hear my heart
Come and hold me

You are gentle yet firm
Lover of my soul




Come away with me...

The Great Romance

SO...one of the most overused passages in the bible is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

The whole love is patient, love is kind bit.
And you usually hear this verse recited at weddings so everyone assumes that it's in reference to the love between a man and a woman. Well I think that when Paul wrote that I don't think he was referring to just that type of love (especially since he was celibate). He was referring to the love between all people. Jesus says to 'love' our neighbor, so shouldn't that verse apply to that too.


Love is patient,
Love is Kind.
It does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
and always perseveres

Love never fails.


Tell me, do you love people like that?
I don't.

I think I struggle the most with not being easily angered and keeping record of wrongs. It's a hard order to fill, but that is the type of love that God has for us, and it's the type of love that God expects other people to have for one another (i.e. His love).


This is one of my favorite verses in the bible because this is when everything clicked for me. You see, before I became a christian, I had this really messed up idea of what love was. Just the environment I grew up in, the people that I hung out with, the movies I watched, the music I listened to, everything told me that love was this emotion that existed to make me feel good and to serve my own needs. The world convinced me that love existed to give me an excuse to hurt other people (Oh, I LOVE him, so that makes it okay if I blow off my friends).


So when I finally did accept Christ, it was very hard for me to understand a God of love when everything I knew about love was a lie from Satan himself. I remember talking to a leader about it at my church and they gave me this verse. I remember reading it and thinking there is no way that I can ever love somebody like that. Being patient all the time? NOT self-seeking? Not keeping record of wrongs? Impossible.


But I came to find that that was the most beautiful part of love: that it is absolutely impossible...without the strength of God...who's very essence is love (1 John 4: 8). I think that was the coolest beginning of my transformation: learning to love myself in the way that God does, learning to love God in a way that is selfless, and learning to love others in a way that is pure. I soon found out that the whole Christianity thing was ALL about love!


The Great Romance.