whew! what a day!
for those of you that don't know...I'm in Cancun, Mexico for my grandparents' 50th anniversary celebration. (50 years! Wow!)
so today my Dad and I went scuba diving...finally! It's been 2 years since my last dive and I have missed the bottom of the ocean terribly. So I was so happy to be going out. It was also my first two tank dive as well.
A two tank dive is where you have two tanks of air to use. You go down at one dive site and use one tank of air, then come back up and boat over to another dive site and go back down using the other tank of air with a short break in between. So essentially it is two separate dives.
So I'm getting super excited (and a little nervous as always) as we're are heading out to sea. It is SO beautiful out there! The sun was shining and it was a warm 85 degrees outside. The water was bright blue (like I imagine it would be on Malacandra). It was perfect.
But then...as we pass the reef (which blocks most of the big waves from the mainland) the ocean starts to get crazy! the waves get so big and we are all going up and down, side to side. It was very much like an unpredictable roller coaster.
At first, it was kind of fun. I stood near to the bow and held tight as my stomach did flip flops. I was enjoying myself.
But then it started. I felt SO sick. And as a person who has grown up on boats, i have never gotten sea sick or motion sick ever. So today was a whole new experience for me. I walked back to the back of the boat taking in deep breaths trying to get my stomach to STOP flip floping and to settle down. I kept looking into the waves and begging them to stop being so large and tossing me about.
I took a quick survey of the other divers aboard the boat (in all there were about 25 other divers and 7 or 8 instructors out there) and I could tell that I wasn't the only one affected. People had started puking over the side of the boat and others had sprawled themselves out lying down in random areas. It was terrible, absolutely terrible. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to dive.
when the boat was stopped, when we weren't moving, the waves we still big, but they weren't as bad as when we were moving and heading into them. I was thinking that I wish we could have not moved at all. It still wouldn't have been good but it might been a little less painful. But we pressed on anyways...
One of the men who worked for the marina taking pictures and video and selling them afterward, Rafael (who is one of the nicest, goofiest people you'll ever meet), looked at me and saw that was not okay. I was miserably looking out into the waves and drawing deep breaths of air trying to keep my breakfast down. He asked me if I was okay and I said that I felt sick in my stomach and that I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to dive. He told me that I'd be okay and that everyone always feels much better once they're in the water (this greatly relieved me). But he also told me that if I kept my eyes on a stationary object that it would make me feel better...Something about the fluid in my brain being swished around so much and making me sick. His logic didn't make sense to me because it wasn't my head that hurt but my stomach, but I decided to try it anyways because I felt so miserable.
SO
Depending on which way the boat was turned I kept my eyes on a large hotel on the horizon or a large fluffy cloud in the sky, or something that didn't move.
and you know what, I felt so much better. The sickness went away completely. I felt fine. It was incredible. Rafael was right.
Now keep in mind that the waves weren't getting any SMALLER. the waves were still just as BIG as they were before. I just felt better because I was looking at something stationary.
At first, every now and then, my gaze would wander back to the waves but the sickness would return and I would immediately have to snap my gaze back to the clouds or to the buildings on the horizon for it to subside again.
I also found that I had to be ACTIVELY gazing at the object. I couldn't just let my mind wander as I stared or the sickness would come back. So I found my self counting windows on the buildings or finding shapes within the clouds, or anything I could to keep my gaze active.
The toughest part for me about this whole strategy though, was that I could not look at people. I wanted to check on my fellow passengers to see if I could help them or to study the people as I normally do, but I couldn't without the sickness returning and so I stayed focus on the object I was looking at.
I tried to tell the passengers nearest to me what Rafael had told me about looking at a stationary object. Some listened, others were too miserable too even try. The ones who listened (like my Dad) felt a lot better and had a better time. The ones who didn't just stayed miserably ill on the floor or seat or wherever they were hunched over.
the worst was this little boy of about 12 or 13 that was diving with us. After our first dive (and it did feel TONS better to be in the water) he really started to feel bad back on the boat. He was with his Dad and he started crying and wailing out in pain every now and then (yes, it was that bad...if I were 12 I would probably have wailed too). This little boy was one of the people who didn't listen to what Rafael had told me and so all I could do was sit there with my eyes fixed on one of the hotels and listen to this little boy cry and wail in agony. It was terrible. Everything within me wanted to give him a hug and MAKE him look at something stationary.
He ended up going home after the first dive.
After a while I got used to keeping my eyes on the objects. And even when we got into calmer water again inside the reef, I still looked at the objects out of habit and practice.
It was a good day to dive :)
but it got me thinking...
It's a lot like life.
Where the ocean is the world and all it's problems are the waves.
If you look at the waves that are huge and tossing you about, you start to feel really really sick. Because in our hearts, none of us live permanently within the reef. We're all out in the big water.
And it isn't until we learn to keep our gaze focused on a stationary object that is outside of the world, an object that isn't moving, that we fight the sickness and the tension is released and we feel the beautiful peace that comes from that surrender.
for some people (especially Christians). Fighting the waves is so tough. They've found that they would rather stay still in the water so that although you are far from feeling good, the pain is less. (this is an idea that is explored in the silence of Adam). If you don't move into the waves then the sickness (while still present) is more manageable. But God calls us to move into the waves of life...but He does not expect this of us without giving us a stationary object to look at to relieve the sickness.
well, in our situation the ONLY object that is immovable and the only thing outside of our world that we can look to is Jesus.
Notice also how I had to ACTIVELY look at the clouds and I couldn't just set my eyes there but not my mind. And I did anything to keep my gaze active.
Well that is the a picture of the fellowship that we share with Christ. That's when we seek Him in the Word, journal, pray, or spend time soaking in his presence. That's how we keep our gaze active as we are looking to Him.
And He doesn't promise us that the waves will get smaller or more manageable, they will still be the same size. But because our focus is on Him and not the waves, we will not feel the sickening, dizzying effects of them. That is our trust (or faith) in Him.
It's hard sometimes to look to Jesus instead of other people, but people cannot give you the satisfying intimacy of grace that only God can give. It is unfair to expect that from other people and heartbreaking to God when we want to look towards other people (to look towards politicians, church leaders, boyfriends/ girlfriends, close friends, family members) instead of to Jesus. We can share our new found knowledge of Christ and his power, but we cannot sacrifice our own gaze towards Christ to look to other people...even with the most noble intentions. Sometimes all we can do is listen to them wail in agony because of their stubborn ways...
But Jesus is faithful, He takes care of those who follow Him and those who look towards Him in fellowship and surrender. I was thinking about all this on the boat today and about how often I look towards the waves instead of to our Stationary Object. For me, my sickness is fear. When I look at the waves in my life (what I'm going to do after college, how should I love so-and- so better, etc) I am consumed with a dizzying fear that makes it hard for me to focus on much else. It's hard for me to remember that Jesus offers me Peace if I would but actively gaze towards Him.
So I come, yes I come...
to tell you I love you,
to tell you I nee you,
to tell you there' no better place for me than in your arms .
to tell you I'm sorry
for running in circles
for placing my gaze upon the waves and not your face
'Cause you're the only one who gives me peace
yes you're the only one who gives me peace
I love your peace Jesus :)
