Illinois Woohoo!

SO Foster is the cutest kid in the history of children. He's absolutely beautiful and very active, I love him so much. I loved spending a week in the Dakin household just because of all the knowledge that I gain by watching the pair of them and how they are raising their family. I don't live in a household that walks with Christ and I certainly wasn't raised in one either and so that leaves me with a lot of questions about how I will raise my children. Obviously I learned certain things from my parents that are very important but I have no idea how to teach children the love of God and about having a deeply rooted faith. I have no role model or example to follow I only have the Spirit to guide me (which don't get me wrong, is MORE than enough), but I'm just not sure what a Jesus-serving household looks like or how it operates. SO it's really neat for me to live with Aly and JR for a week to see how their household is set up. Like right now, for instance, they've canceled their internet and television for the summer in order to save some money and purge their household of the messages of the world. Doing something like that in my household would be unheard of. And Aly prays in Foster's room every night as he is falling asleep that he would grow to be big and strong not only physically but in his faith also. 

      Being with them just gives me a lot to think about how to invite God's presence into my future household. 

      On a friendship level, though, I always enjoy Aly's presence. Even being pregnant, Aly carries a spirit of peace with her and wisdom. I love listening to her stories and hearing her advice. She truly cares about me and wishes to see God move in some awesome ways in my life. Aly is what I imagine an older sister would be like. She is protective and wise, but young enough to be considered a friend that you can see movies and talk about boys with. I enjoy her fellowship and I hope to know her, JR, and Foster for a very long time

Undiscovered...

     SO for today I chose to tell you about my FASET (orientation) experience and other thoughts for college. 

FASET was a lot of fun and actually very informative.

     Yes, the sessions were repetitive (but I need to be told things more than once) and sometimes boring, but it gave me a lot of peace about living on my own and I think it gave my mom a lot of peace about me living on my own also. Looking at the social aspect, it was okay. Your average person is pretty decent at meeting new people so it was probably a nice environment for them but I, as I am sure you are aware, am not you average person and am therefore terrible at meeting new people. I did, however, get to see some people from high school that I hadn't seen in a while (including a few I didn't even know were going to tech) and catch up with them, which is always nice. And Brad was there, and he's better at meeting people than I am, so he made it easier. Actually one guy that he met, Jason, hung out with me that night at the social and he was really neat. After hanging out for a couple of hours he randomly turns to me and goes "So your a Chrstian?" and I was like "Well, yes" and he was like "Neat!" and then we spent the rest of the night talking about our faiths and how we came to know the awesome love of God. It was so random but wonderful and meeting him really ministered to my spirit. It sounds silly but during the course of the night I started to feel very lonely (which is so silly and such a spiritual attack). My FASET leaders were telling the kids where to get alcohol and how to get fake IDs and I just felt very sad for all of them and angry at the leaders for opening up all of the doors for these kids to mess up their lives. College will be very different, I think. But God reminded me that night that He uses people like Jason and I to salt the Earth to spread his love. Not so that we may clump together but so that we may spread the flavor. I think the college environment will stimulate a lot of growth in my walk with Jesus.

    Another neat person that I met was my FASET roommate, Hilary. We stayed up so late talking about life and family and college. She was so easy to talk to and very unassuming. It was very relaxing to be around her. I have no idea where her heart is with God, but He still used her to touch me. I would not be sorry to know her better at tech this fall. She has a beautiful soul and a very good eye for people. 

     So I thought I did pretty well for having intimate conversations with two new people that I met. Of course I met others as well that i talked to for like five minutes. I met a kid named Pierce who went to GAC and lives on the floor above me in Caldwell and another girl who was in my FASET group who has done every teenage stereotypical "bad" thing and is very proud of that fact and will gladly tell you all about it. But as heartbreaking as it was, her honesty was refreshing and her smile was sincere. I liked her very much although she only had eyes for Zach Dreybus (who introduced us), so we didn't talk for very long. 

     Going to college will be the same type of jump from middle to high school only this time I will be prepared in for the shock in the openness of sin. Ever since leaving Metropolitan my faith has always been my own and so I am not worried about feeding myself. I am not worried so much about finding the comfort of a good christian group, although the teachings will be helpful and the fellowship encouraging, I am more worried about accomplishing the purpose that God is sending me to tech to fulfill. I am constantly aware of my inadequacy as a vessel for God's use. That is why it is so awesome that I serve a God powerful enough to work despite my weaknesses and failures. 

Lord Give me your strength as I enter this next chapter of my life,

not strength to necessarily succeed,

But strength to delight in suffering and uncomfortableness...

because I know you are using it to shape me.

Strength to see you in my failures...

because the one who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world

Strength to remember the battle is already won...

and that a day will come when I will call you husband

Strength to fight the good fight...

Because the harvest is plenty but the workers are few

Strength to take up my cross and put off the old self...

for a seed must die before it multiplies.

Strength to enter a world full of darkness

and know the you, The Light, has already gone before me

I love you, Eylon

And I will follow you

for you are my savior

my king

my friend

and my protector

Gloria a Dios 

Confession...

I've done so much this summer and I haven't blogged about any of it...so sad.

So I've decided that every day this week I will review some significant event that has happened this summer and maybe upload some pictures of it too! So here is what is to come:

1. VBS X-treme

2. Illinois with JR and Aly

3. Peru!

4. FASET/ thoughts of college

5. Personal stuff/ things that God is teaching me

And I might not put them in that order either. We'll just see how I feel later n about it. 

So I guess I'll start with X-treme.

      It was awesome! If you had asked me before that week whether I thought 5th graders liked me that much and I would have said absolutely not at all. But hanging out with those kids was an absolute blast, and they taught me a lot about leadership and how to teach children about God. Jonathan Noa and I were the blue team leaders (Whoo Go blue!). We a neat group of kids, some of our boys were a little immature (as expected) but the girls I had were so beautiful. I love them. We had small group time every day and they asked me some really good questions about middle school and about Jesus. I loved pouring into them. And one time ( I forget how this topic got started) but I got to tell them story and how I came to love Jesus and how important it was for them to accurately reflect Christ because they could save somebody's soul. They seemed to be really listening too, they were all quiet and looking right at me (undivided attention was unusual). I really enjoyed talking with them. I think Jonathan had a harder time just because he is more passive than I am and his boys were more ADD than my girls were. So I would look over at his small group and two of the boys would be up running around while the others were having small group. Jon didn't seem to mind. 

     On a less serious note though it was so messy! The first day was a water day so we got soaked through different games and such. I actually won the counselor challenge that day. It wasn't because I'm awesome or anything it was really because Kyle and the yellow male counselor got each other out at the same time and I was the only one left (we had to knock the other counselors cups of water out of their hands). But it was still fun to win and it was fun to see how excited my kids were about our team winning. We won squad of the day that first day and that was very exciting (we had a ton of spirit). The next day we had a chocolate syrup tug-of-war and me and Jonathan almost won but, I tell you what, Dustin Sutton is a lot stronger than you would think he is. I forget all of the other challenges but one day for the camper challenge the kids had to lick chocolate syrup off of a piece of plastic and our kids (Well Caroline) won that one. Caroline was so tough I loved her. She was doing the slip n' slide one of the days and she accidentally sipped her pants while she was sliding. I felt so bad for her but she didn't look too embarrassed even though it was a pretty bad rip. Luckily I had some extra shorts I could give her to change into. And then another day the counselor challenge was to get in these giant bumper things and knock our opponents out of the circle. The guys didn't compete with us girls so I won the challenge for the girls that day. It was way exciting. In the end we had a lot of fun and our kids were fantastic ad I thought we were going to win squad of the week, but we didn't, the green team did. But my kids (who all thought we were going to win also) handled it so maturely. I was so proud of them and what good sports they were that i don't even care that we lost. 

      The Wednesday was the shift invasion and I was really excited about seeing my girls there. Only 4 or 5 of the 15 showed up but I was so happy to be there for them. As it turned out they didn't really need me that much and I didn't have to help them get plugged in at all, but it was still fun to be able to let them know that they are cared for and if the had needed help I would have been there in a second. I care very much about the 14 girls that were in my group that week. I wish that I had a picture of us all to put up here and I meant to take one on the last day but I forgot :/

Overall it was messy, exhausting, time consuming, but well-worth it. It was beautiful, inspiring, fun, and very personal. I thank God for giving me the chance to pour into some of the next generation.

te amo Dios :)

Master to Husband

SO last weekend my sister, my mother, and I went to South Carolina because last Friday my great aunt Joyce passed away and we were going with my aunt Julie, cousin Jessica, and my grandparents to attend her funeral.

Joyce was a wonderful person. I often talked to her during the summer when I was sending out support letters, she would always call to find out more information so she could be praying for me. She was always supportive of everything I did for the Kingdom even though I was her sister's grandchild and not her own. When my mom told me that she was very sick and would probably pass away in a week or two I was very sad for Wofford (her husband). They had been married for 61 years! 61 years!....61 years! That is so awesome. I had the pleasure of Wofford telling me the story of how the two of them met, it wasn't a terribly romantic situation but I could see God's hand in all of it, which made it very beautiful. It is sort of scary to think that they got married when they were 17 (a year younger than me), but still. I was also sad for Mimi (my grandmother, Joyce's sister). It must be strange to lose a sibling, especially if you're relatively close in age.

But mostly I was happy. I didn't feel like crying at her funeral. I am terribly joyful that she is, right now, being married to God. It makes me laugh when I think about how she has shed her worn out, cancer-filled body...and has been given a new one to last forever. I can see her dancing or running or laughing. Perfect. Beautiful. Complete. I cannot even bring myself to be sad.

One neat thing that she requested to have at her funeral was an evangelical outreach. SO the pastor got up and started telling us all about Christ's love, and then asked if anyone would like to receive Christ (we had our heads bowed so I don't know if anyone did). But I thought that it was so neat that Joyce chose to continue ministering to others even at her own funeral. But I guess that's just who Joyce was. I was reminded that day about how I have no desire to ever have a funeral, but in stead a celebration of life. It'd be okay if people miss me, but I don't want them to be sad that I'm finally with my Savior.

I will miss Joyce's influence in my life very much, but I am dancing with Joy that she is with the Love of her life, her Savior, her Maker, and now her Husband.

An Epic Adventure

Transitional times in my life are really interesting... I used to hate them a lot. Consistency is something that I have always valued a lot and has made me feel safe. Now, however, I get kind of excited about change. It's always hard to leave behind that which is secure and comfortable, but I get really excited about where God will take me in the next couple of years.

I've been having this feeling a lot lately, where I feel like I'm about to start a new adventure. And it's more than just college I think. Something is stirring inside of me, like the spiritual season in my soul is changing also. Where will Jesus lead me this time?


...

Pslam 139: 23-24

This is the cry of my heart...


Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.



Lord,
I am messy
and gross
and broken...

But I would ask that you would search me
Shine your beautiful light into every crevice of my soul
Expose my every vice, my every sin, anything that would separate us.

It is painful
and uncomfortable
and embarrassing

but as is the process of being refined

Give me a spirit that is willing
and arms that are strong
That I might stand boldly in your light
and allow you to wash me
cleaning every part.

I want to be a blameless and pure child
Not for my glory
but for yours

Hear my heart
Come and hold me

You are gentle yet firm
Lover of my soul




Come away with me...

The Great Romance

SO...one of the most overused passages in the bible is 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

The whole love is patient, love is kind bit.
And you usually hear this verse recited at weddings so everyone assumes that it's in reference to the love between a man and a woman. Well I think that when Paul wrote that I don't think he was referring to just that type of love (especially since he was celibate). He was referring to the love between all people. Jesus says to 'love' our neighbor, so shouldn't that verse apply to that too.


Love is patient,
Love is Kind.
It does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
and always perseveres

Love never fails.


Tell me, do you love people like that?
I don't.

I think I struggle the most with not being easily angered and keeping record of wrongs. It's a hard order to fill, but that is the type of love that God has for us, and it's the type of love that God expects other people to have for one another (i.e. His love).


This is one of my favorite verses in the bible because this is when everything clicked for me. You see, before I became a christian, I had this really messed up idea of what love was. Just the environment I grew up in, the people that I hung out with, the movies I watched, the music I listened to, everything told me that love was this emotion that existed to make me feel good and to serve my own needs. The world convinced me that love existed to give me an excuse to hurt other people (Oh, I LOVE him, so that makes it okay if I blow off my friends).


So when I finally did accept Christ, it was very hard for me to understand a God of love when everything I knew about love was a lie from Satan himself. I remember talking to a leader about it at my church and they gave me this verse. I remember reading it and thinking there is no way that I can ever love somebody like that. Being patient all the time? NOT self-seeking? Not keeping record of wrongs? Impossible.


But I came to find that that was the most beautiful part of love: that it is absolutely impossible...without the strength of God...who's very essence is love (1 John 4: 8). I think that was the coolest beginning of my transformation: learning to love myself in the way that God does, learning to love God in a way that is selfless, and learning to love others in a way that is pure. I soon found out that the whole Christianity thing was ALL about love!


The Great Romance.